This weekend I made the acquaintance of the most educated and consistent Romanist I've ever met in person, and he's not an academic-type either; he's an electrician.
In the course of our discussions, I asked him a question I enjoy asking people, ripped straight out of the Way of the Master playbook - "I'm curious, if you were to find me lying on the sidewalk, no one else around, with a knife in my back and I had 3 minutes to live, what would you tell me?"
He started with: "Well, I'd ask you if you've been baptised."
I said: "I tell you 'no, I haven't.'"
Him: "Then the church says that in emergencies if there's no one of authority around, anyone can baptise."
Me: "And if there's no water around?"
Him: "The church recognises such thing as a 'baptism of desire', but in fact, I carry water around in my truck for just that contingency."
Me: ". . ."